People who want to Deepthroat Apple

This article from the Huffington Post made me cringe. Granted the Huffington post kind of sucks, and this guy probably writes this salivating garbage for free, but this was especially bad news. It begins with this:

I was standing right next to Steve Jobs in 1989 and it was the closest thing I ever felt to being gay

Interesting revelation. Maybe that's because Jobs is an excellent designer with rigorous editorial taste? Nah, too simple.

Steve Jobs became the greatest artist that ever lived

Did you know Jobs denied the paternity of his first kid?

I have no judgment on this at all. Raising kids is hard.

Steve Jobs is a pescetarian. Did you know that? Well, the author didn't, and now he's in for a life change.

I think from now on I'm going to be a pescetarian, just because Steve Jobs is one.

Apparently Jobs refuses to give to charity. This is explained not because the inherent contradictions in charity or anything like that, but because Jobs makes up for it by running a company that makes cool stuff!

I actually think Jobs is probably the most charitable guy on the planet. Rather than focus on which mosquitoes to kill in Africa (Bill Gates is already focusing on that), Jobs has put his energy into massively improving quality of life with all of his inventions.

You know that Jobs screwed his business partner out of 85% of the agreed-upon revenue for making a computer game?

Again, no judgment. Young people do things.

I kept scrolling to find the part where Steve Jobs put dozens of children in a cellar to starve to death, to which the author would likely comment that sometimes kids need to be punished, and that young geniuses do silly things.

We had a lecturer about entrepreneurship who used apple to support nearly all of what he was talking about. Visibility is important for a product. See this back-lit apple on every apple computer? Visibility! He showed us Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech, talked about Steve Jobs as a young adult.

Look, Apple is a successful company, and the good thing about that is it challenges other companies and individuals to invent better ways to do things. It paved the way for tablet computers by creating demand, and it will likely remain successful for a while. It showed people that design and simplicity is enormously important and is traded for a lower price at the company's peril. But it's also a company that has become extremely adept at making money through dubious means. Want that computer fixed? Might as well buy a new one, since taking the keys off the keyboard will cost $800 (no exaggeration).

These men (and they're all men) who can't seem to stop talking about Apple should zip up their pants and land back on earth because they're just embarrassing themselves. When Jobs' liver consumes his soul in putrid, silent death, these people are going to have to find some other success story to fellate.